Donald Trump Might Throw His Hair Into the Presidential Ring

The great recession for op-ed humorists may end if Donald Trump throws his hair into the ring for president. Our long national nightmare will be over.

Obama, while providing great fodder for humorists, insulates himself from jokes by being racially hyper-sensitive. In fact, his symbiotic relationship with the media allows them to paint any criticism of him as racially motivated. As you know, if you are against Obamacare and deficits and for less government, you must be a racist. If liberal comedians (which is redundant) said about Obama what they say about George Bush, Sarah Palin, Michele Bachmann, Newt Gingrich, etc., there would be screams of “racism!” from the mainstream media.

I am pretty sure “The Donald” will run, since it is not like him to seek free, self-serving publicity. If elected, he would be a great historic throw-back; we have not had a president with a powdered wig since Thomas Jefferson.

If nominated, he will have that trademark Republican “I am just like you” appeal to the average Joe that connects all GOP candidates to the voters.

Yet he might have problems. Speculation is that his hair may not have been woven in this country. Note to readers: If that thing on Trump’s head jumps off and charges at you, please don’t shoot to kill. Just wing it, because I will pay to have it studied to see just what it is.

Trump is on record asking Obama to clear up the mystery about his birth certificate, but no one has addressed the mysterious origins of his hair, or why anyone would wear it like that voluntarily. He is supposed to be moneyed gentry from New York City, but no one bothered to tell his barber. It is like he goes into a Staten Island barber shop and asks Vinnie to give him the “full onion loaf.” For all his money, to paraphrase Lawyer Steed, Trump reminds me of a lookout for a massage parlor.

In his first salvo as a potential candidate, Trump released his birth certificate. Some say that was a way to embarrass Obama. Those who know Trump best say it is his way of letting us know that his first order of business as president will be to make his birthday a national holiday, so folks can mark their calendars.

Trump has developed real estate — but not much social grace — over the years. He is running for president because “America has become a laughingstock.” This can be traced to many things, chief among them The Apprentice going into worldwide syndication. Trump says the Arabs and the Asians are laughing at us. Apparently anyone who is not laughing at us, like the French, just does not get us yet. They are still stuck on Jerry Lewis as funny and David Hasselhoff as a good actor.

Keeping wealthy men with huge egos from running for political office is like keeping Michael Moore away from an all-you-can-eat buffet. It is the last frontier for many accomplished folks like New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg, Mitt Romney, etc., and they do it on their own terms. So far, Trump has not agreed to debate other GOP candidates at the Reagan Library; he refuses to go to any building not named after him.

Billionaires running for office is not altogether a bad idea. I prefer self-made folks running for office, because it takes more money to bribe them than it does lowly, average people who end up over their financial heads in D.C. The Huffington Post reports that Obama will have $1 billion to spend on re-election to a $400,000-a-year job. Think about what all those folks who made “donations” will want and get for their money.

Maybe Trump does make sense. He has created jobs, paid a lot of taxes and donated money to charity; in other words, he has, in Obama’s view, been a scourge to society.

Well, at least with Trump it won’t be boring. Just wait till you see the Miss Universe Pageant held at the White House. There will not have been that many confused, scantily clad, young women seeking to please in the Oval Office since Bill Clinton was president!

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