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Ron Hart Columns: Year End 2007: What We Have Learned

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Year End 2007: What We Have Learned

December 29, 2007 - Walton Sun


By Ron Hart

As I do each year-end, let me review what we learned in 2007.

1. We learned that the CIA sometimes tortures using waterboarding. With the drought in Georgia, the governor there has asked that it stop. And, for a state that waterboards suspects for routine traffic violations, we could save a lot of water.

Yet we should expect torture from the Feds to continue. George Bush is for torture. Since he has spent seven years torturing the English language, I see no reason why he would draw the line at waterboarding.

2. I have done my part for the drought for the holiday party season as I have vowed to eliminate the water from bourbon and water. I can just feel the Nobel Peace Prize committee taking notice.

3. We also learned with helpful instruction by bathroom stall enthusiasts, Sen. Larry Craig (P

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erv-ID), that a wide stance in the stall means gay sex wanted. This is both troubling and good information for me since I am two years away from being 50 and I go to the men's bathroom a lot. (See #2 above.)

4. While we focus on Iraq, the real risk, in my view, is Pakistan, where strongman leader President Musharraf declared martial law, surrounded opposition leader Bhutto's home with barbed wire, jailed opposition judges and suspended Pakistan's constitution. So, if you were wondering where Karl Rove, Donald Rumsfeld, Paul Wolfowitz and Alberto Gonzales found consulting work after leaving Washington, look no further.

5. I have long been troubled by men who wear Speedos. I remain clear and unapologetic on the subject (with an equally strong stance on men who wear fanny packs). Yet I found, during a 2007 beach trip, that the only thing creepier than wearing Speedos is having a man who is wearing one staring at you. It took me two days to shower off that one.

6. It was a requirement in 2007 that all liberally controlled awards like the Oscar, the Emmy and the Nobel Peace Prize go to Al Gore. I am told he threw a hissy fit when he did not win the NFL MVP. Yet I understand that Bush is appealing Gore's awards to the Supreme Court, which might get the awards overturn in the spring.

7. In his usually bad actor manner, Sen. John Edwards made a maudlin visit to Washington, D.C., and spoke about the "Two Americas, " the one broke and dependent America he expects to vote for him, and the other, those with 30,000 square foot homes, which is where he lives. Edwards then hung around the Congressional parking lot and told passers-by that he used to go to school here.

8. The ethical cleansing of Congress promised by the Democrats ended days after they gained a majority in both Houses. Apparently, "draining the swamp" for them started with draining the Treasury through wasteful spending earmarked for their pet projects.

9. I went to my first psychic in 2007. It did not start well when she asked my name, causing me to immediately question her abilities.

10. Jesus has apparently endorsed Huckabee for president. It is very impressive that Huckabee was able to enlist Him for the campaign, as historically, Jesus Christ sits on the sidelines during the primaries.

11. Bill Clinton will continue to be called on to smooth out the gruff edges of his wife, the Hill-da-Beast. It just proves that no matter how many times a married man changes jobs, he still ends up with the same boss.

12. We learned more this year about how Islamist terrorists treat their women, which is very badly. Women have no voice in that culture, which just proves that men turn really bad if they do not have women keeping them down.

13. Obama and Hillary had a cat fight over who had designs on being president earliest in life. He wrote a grade school essay about it and Hillary identified Bill Clinton in college as a future famous man, to whom she could hook her political wagon. I just think we all would have been better off if she had decided that O.J. was more famous back then and had married him.

Despite all this, we live in the greatest country of all. We may not be perfect but we are better than the others because of our people, the hardworking folks who support their families send their kids to fight wars no matter the cost, and who expect nothing but freedom in return.

2011 Benjamin Franklin Award Winner!

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Columns by Ronald Hart. Ron grew up in Tennessee and began writing a column for his hometown paper in 2002. He attended The University of Memphis and the Institute for Political and Economic Systems at Georgetown University. Ron graduated Magna Cum Laude and was elected student government president. Upon getting his MBA, he went to work for Goldman Sachs. He was appointed to the Tennessee Board of Regents by then Governor Lamar Alexander and is now a private investor. He appears on CNN and has been quoted in numerous publications including the Wall Street Journal. His columns reflect a rare combination of Southern libertarian views and humor. They have been described as "Lewis Grizzard meets P.J. O'Rourke with a dash of Will Roger's horse sense". His columns are carried by 30 newspapers with a total weekly circulation of approximately 1 million readers.